oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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