Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
