No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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