and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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