yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
