This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
