You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
