i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
