I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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