i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
