i just wanna soil my oats bro
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
