I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
