Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
