I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need water and some morals
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
