Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
