fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
