i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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