It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
