why didn't you poke me back
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
