Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish there were birth control emojis
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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