Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
