dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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