I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
