Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
