My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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