I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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