Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
