Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You've changed since you got that strap on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
