You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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