i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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