I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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