dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
