how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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