Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
