TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
