If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and she was petting her beer can
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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