this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
