Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
