I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
