Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
