That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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