i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
