70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
