oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
