Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
