i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
