I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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