you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
