Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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