He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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