She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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