Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
