Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
